XXX

****Warning this blog is not meant for the faint of heart, uppity christians, or my mama, Know that this short story is PURELY FICTION. I just wanted to write about the imagery i've had pint up inside (enjoy)***

I only knew him for a day....he had hit me up after seeing me in the club.

“Hi,” he whispered into my ear. The hairs on the back of my neck alerted me that this man was trouble. His low voice vibrating in my ear cued the tension in my body to slightly release, and I didn’t even bring an extra pair of panties. 

“Why hello there,” I seductively retorted. I turned around to see who this stranger was whispering in my ear and causing this small eruption. 

His 6 foot frame towered over me, the lighting in the club hit him just the way I like, I was caught up at first sight. His smooth brown skin taunted me saying, “ you know you want to taste me, just one lick.” My tongue ached to taste the lips of this man. It lightly trail across my lips, as my mind subconsciously fantasized about the things I could do to him. 

“So what should I call you?” I asked, I wanted to see if he could play the game, if he could mentally seduce me, and make me feign for him without having to touch him.

“I’m known to be your everything, your man, your protector, and your lover but for now...you can call me Isaiah.”

Whew girl get it together I said to myself I had almost lost my composure and panties all in the same moment. I know it’s spring and all but am I really ready for a man to tend to my garden?

“Isaiah...what a pleasure it is to meet you.” 

“Likewise,” he said as he gave me a coy grin. The look in his eyes told me that he too was wondering how it felt to be twisted in each other's sheets. 

The lust between us trumped the celibacy I was trying to maintain. I just wanted to see...well taste and see.

"Here's my card...call me," 

"Ok," was all I could manage to say.

"I'll talk to you later," he said as he removed his hand from the small of my back. He disappeared into the dark shadows of the club, but the fire inside of me lit my entire body.

My lustful encounter made me forget that I did come to the club with my girls.

"Mmmmmhmmmmm," was all they could say.

"what?!" I asked trying my hardest to pretend like I had no idea what was going on.

"O you know what missy!" my closest friend responded.

"I know who he is. but...I am curious to know what IT is," I replied, trying my hardest to conceal my grin of deception. 

The entire night I debated on calling him. I didn't want to seem desperate, but hell...I missed the feeling of calloused hands caressing my body, while the melodies of a deep voice whispered in my ear. I tried all of the girl byes, and I don't need its I could. But just like a future addict I was intrigued, wanting to know what the first hit would feel like. 

So, I text him. My inner G kept me from calling. 

"I was wondering when you were going to call."

"how do you know it's me?"

"Because you are the only lady I want to speak to."

Immediately my mistress became moist, I had learned my lesson the first time around and opted not to wear panties to bed. 

"Speechless?'

"......." was all i could text

" From the moment I saw you I knew I wanted to please you, taste you, and show just how much my body needs a woman like you."

Pause," Needs me? You don't even know me?"

"O but I do, my hunger for a woman of your caliber was insatiable until I saw you."

"And what caliber is this?" 

" The confidence that coats a room and makes every man stop what he's doing to witness greatness walk by."

"Mmm...poetic I see." 

"Nah not poetic...just being real with you."

" I like that..."

"I know you do.. So tell me when can I taste you."

" It seems as if you are only concerned with how I taste."

"Licking you is the first step in learning just how sweet you are."

           Ok Kyn, you can get one taste, you've been good, it's almost been a year, The bad girl in me silenced every statement of reasoning my good girl innocence had thrown out .

"Ok....tonight...let's see if you can lick me down." 

"Gladly."

I text him my address and prepared my home for the ecstasy I was about to receive.

My conscious said make him work for it, but my sexually explicit bad girl played out each scene of our sex tape. 

My doorbell rang, and there he stood. His wide grin showed every last one of his pearly white teeth. As he stepped into my home I stopped to admire the handsome giant standing before me. His arms were tattooed like Picasso paintings.

"How many do you have?"

"both arms are full sleeved, one across my back, and another across my chest."

I took a deep breath, tattoos have always been my weakness.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"Yea,"

"What would you like..."

"You,"  His long arms wrapped around my waist, I could feel the muscles in his body tense and release as the blood rushed through his veins. He leaned down and kissed me, I felt the heat of his lust coating my throat. 

My good girl had left the building, Cyn had arrived.

I laid his tall frame across my bed, and began my exploring. First his stomach, where I licked each of the abs that made his six pack, then his chest ever so lightly brushing his nipples with my lips, then his neck where I left the imprints of my wet kisses, when I reached his ears I lightly sucked on his lobes and whispered," I want to see if you can please the lips you kiss...before you taste the one's  you'll lick."

Without words or hesitance he changed positions, I watched as the towering frame that once hovered over me disappear between my legs. My body fully indulged. He licked me as if I were the best meal he ever had. The rush of the moment overwhelmed my body. The light I hadn't seen in months finally shined, and I....released......

He arose from my legs and lightly kissed my neck, he then whispered back to me, "I just wanted to taste and see." He kissed me deeper than he had before, as if he were thanking me for tasting so good.

I positioned myself on top of him again, but this time I let him do the exploring. His massive hands searched each crevice of my body. I could feel him trying not to explode as I unzipped his pants. I reached in to feel the member that would soon be gracing my walls. His size let me know that I would be walking bow legged for weeks. But I didn't care, Mandingo didn't compare to the tree he concealed in between his legs. 

" Ready?" I asked him.

"Only if you are," he managed to say through his heavy breathing.

And with his consent I broke my nine month stint.

Gypsy Chronicle 1: Buckets, Strippers, and the Journey

She was a best friend of mine. I had watched her grow from a young unabashed girl to a woman i barely knew. The years we had spent playing together, gossiping about the boys in school, and exchanging our most intimate secrets were faint memories, that left similarity linger within our estrangement. Yet, we were both traveling the same path. I had lost my desire to work and gained the pleasure of exploring who I am, while she lost all of her pleasures and gained only the material means of work she hadn't fathomed of doing. But…we still saw the same person in one another both free spirits seeking an out in a world that 's boxed in societal ways. 

That night I watched her, as she seductively graced her way through crowds of thirsty men. She wore everything you would expect her too from lace to lust and plastered on a coy smile to market her product. Even still with the thousands of eyes that gazed upon her, I was the only person who could see her. I was the only one who saw her unhappiness, her heart breaking with each stiletto heeled step, and her spirit diminish. She was no longer a person she was a product. And even though I never laced poles with my body or seductively captivated my audience, I knew where she was in her life, for I was walking the same lost footsteps aimlessly around this path trying to find the road to freedom. 

We had the same lives at one point in time. Both came from a home of loving parents, both have siblings we are close to, and we both were victims of the spirit tearing abuse that words from others mouths can do. We were each others heros. Protecting our sisterhood that formed from our friendship. We were the inner workings of what it meant to be best friends.

And yet, there we were after years of separation, lost contact, and miles of resentment ; on the same journey finding who we are amongst all of the chaos. We both faced life threatening moments that propelled reality to the forefront of our thoughts. Her disease to please overcame her physical being and tormented her spiritual, while I was healing from mine and struggling in this rehab called self fulfillment. 

I spent my days in bed making bucket lists of the dreams I plan to achieve, while she spent her nights in sheets of lost dreams, checking off her lists of jobs done. But this journey we are taking, trying to find ourselves revealed a concreted love that was never lost. I knew that she will always be my best friend, my sister, my hero. And even in these days where I know who holds my tomorrow while she hopes to see her tomorrow peak upon the Atlanta horizons, she knows that I will always be there. 

Where this journey of finding me will take me, I don't know. But i'd rather be lost hopelessly in my dreams than to walk,like she, aimlessly in a reality that only abuses me amongst the Atlanta streets. 

When the Seasons Change

Today, my season began to change. I no longer looked out the foggy windows of life. Today the light of the future made the shadows of my past drift away. So many things happen when my season changes. I shed (or gain) a few pounds, I do something drastic to my hair, but most importantly I shed the dead weight I happened to pick up during the fall and winter. You never know who your dead weight is until you have the opportunity to drop it.

            For example I love my family with every ounce of me, however when it came to dealing with a traumatic time in my life some of my family members abandoned me. Granted, you can never expect for someone to react the way you want them to when it comes to the news that I gave them. However I did expect their support and they have yet to provide it. So in turn they were dropped. I still love them and I still pray for them. Like they say God don’t like ugly, but my “relationship” that I once had with them has been annulled.

A second example, I had a mentor that I loved dearly. This person was like the wind beneath my wings I looked up to them, but then their dark side revealed itself. Now, I tend to see the light more than the darkness when it comes to a person. But, when I had found out that this person was deceiving others to believe untruthful things about me and was also attempting to sabotage my progress I was faced with a decision I never thought I would have to make. So you guessed it…this person was dropped immediately. I’m still professional and I still maintain class, but all extra curricular activities I did with this person have ceased.

Dropping these relationships, in addition to others, was extremely tough for me. When I befriend or engage in any type of relationship whether it is family, friends, sorority sister, or co worker I engage with all the love I have in my heart. People will hurt you, their only human, but when people continue to hurt you after you have addressed that hurt, well….they don’t deserve your love anyway. I’m grieving in a sense, because the relationships I thought I had with these people were killed by the reality of who they truly are. For this reason I’m reluctant when my season begins to change. I tend to get comfortable with how things are and attempt to brush things aside knowing they are clear warning signs. But I believe that God created human beings to be a reflection of his work. Look at nature for example. The trees go through their hibernation stage where they are ugly, dried, and brittle from the whipping of the winds and frigidness of the temps; just like these trees we as human beings go through our stage of hibernation. We go through our tasks and trials only to blossom beautifully when the season changes. This season God has taught me that I need people in my life who will be anchors. We will both have storms in our lives that will sway and challenge us and we will both need to know that in the midst of it all I am here.

Now God and I haven’t had the best of relationships, he’s still working on me, however I do believe that God is showing me how things are when I am in control and how things are when HE is in control. And I must say I like it better when God takes the wheel. There’s a song that says, “It’s a new season it’s a new day a fresh anointing is flowing my way, it’s a season of power and prosperity, there’s a new season coming for me.” I whole heartedly believe this for me and for you. So get ready here comes your new season and I look forward to seeing what the “Spring” brings to life for you!

He called me Kyndall.....

It was my birthday weekend. Granted I had every intention on going HAM, but a part of me thought that I could pick up the pieces. I knew I would run into him, it was inevitable. He was the best friend of my best friend who I happened to be partying it up with that weekend. Yet, a small inkling of me hoped that we weren’t going to have that awkward moment. That he would just so happen to go out of town the weekend I decided to visit.

            He was my heart, well…the first man to capture it. He was the kind that you couldn’t resist loving. He was a lover, musician, friend, and fantasy. I loved laying my head on his chest and falling asleep to the deep drums of his heart. I took joy in pleasuring every one of this man’s needs. I was the outgoing dreamer while he was the introverted logistic. Yet our opposite sides complimented each other. We took each other to another level, we were meant for each other.

The last time I gazed into his eyes he said,

“It’s just you and me bay, and that’s all I need.”

            We had our rough times, but what couple didn’t. Our love for each other made our arguments seem like the universe was shaking, but when we made up the passion we felt for one another made the earth tremble. We didn’t make love it created us. There we were in our far from perfect world, but I was once told, “Love isn’t perfect but it creates perfection.”

            So when he said,” I don’t think we can continue our relationship,” my entire being just shattered.

            “I’m sorry,” I laughed nervously, “Come again.”

“I don’t think we will ever be together bay,” his voice quieted on the phone, I could tell by his whispering that he was just as hurt as me hearing those words come from his lips.

            I had just moved, he still had a semester to finish in school, so we agreed to pursue our love long distance until he graduated and then we would start our lives together.

            “I….I …I don’t,” the words stumbled out of my mouth. Before I could inhale the tears poured from eyes and crashed into a puddle on my hardwood floors.

            The sounds of my heart breaking echoed throughout my soul.

            “Hear me out bay,” I could hear his voice telling me as I slipped deeper and deeper into my dark well of sadness, “You have your own thing going on and I do too, I’m not trying to move all the way out there.”

            “But we were going to make our own moves when you graduated, I don’t understand.”

            “I know but graduation seems so far from now bay.”
“I…I still don’t understand.” I managed to say through my tears.

            “It’s complicated bay, please don’t cry, we can still be friends.”

“Friends?!” How dare he take years of love, tears, blood, sweat, everything we had made and insult it with a friendship!

            “I don’t want to be your friend; I want to be your wife like you promised, your lover, your confidant, everything you are to me! How dare you ask me to me your mediocre friend?!”

            Silence responded to my statement. So I took it upon myself and asked.

“Is there another woman?” No response

            “Tell me! Is there?!”

“I didn’t mean for it to happen….”

            I dropped the phone. There I was speechless and lifeless crying on my hardwood floors.

            Later I learned he had been trapped by some girl; what started as one had thing turned into another. I remember telling him to let her be that she has ulterior motives when it came to their “friendship” but he didn’t listen, he let his vulnerability get the best of him and there she was waiting to catch him up in her web.

            After seven months of I’m over its, I’m all goods, and I ain’t thinking about hims  the pain still lingered and it  felt as if he had just told me.

             I had spent the week wondering what our encounter would be like. Would I fall for him again or would I just have a mad black woman moment? I wondered if he would bring her. I wondered about every scenario that was ethically possible.

            I heard him come through the door. It took everything in me to not look up and greet his eyes with mine. When I felt him next to me I looked up and for a second all of the love I had for him welled up inside of my heart as all of the memories we shared encased it.

            “What’s up Kyndall.” He said

The casing of our memories cracked and the love that was filling my heart poured out onto the floor. Kyndall? He’s never called me that before.

            “Hey,” was all I could manage to say.

I turned back around to my cake and put the love that was left into icing it.

            I didn’t want to let go of my love but that day love left me.

Friends to Lovers

He's always been a friend of mine, but we knew that one day our chemistry and desire for more would show itself. It happened on a Monday night. We were doing our usual; dinner and watching the game, when he asked me," How long are you going to make me chase you?"

I for one was quite taken off guard, "chase me?" was all I could manage to say.

"yea, chase as in why do you keep running?"

Until that moment, I hadn't thought about it. We were like two peas in a pod. Every sentence I began he finished, when it came to debating we could go all night, and he never clouted my dreams or told me that I'm too whimsical. Instead, he stood behind me and encouraged me to go for it.

He was like the Clyde to my Bonnie. We both possessed a hunger for success but subdued it with the thirst to please others. And even on my bitchiest days when all I could do was fuss he would be right there with a glass of wine and listen. So when he said chase, I envisioned a woman who consistently runs, and I for one hate running I'd rather face things head on.

"Running?" I asked, " I vouch to say that I've always been here, now you my friend are so caught up in the chase that you didn't stop to see that I've been right next to you the whole time."

"Hmm, well put Ms. Peele," he responded ," So are you saying you are ready for something more?"

"I'm saying that you are my best friend and I love you, what this love grows into neither of us knows so why don't we take it day by day?"

" I can do that," he responded.

And there we were cuddled up with one another watching the game but envisioning our relationship.

The transition from friends to lovers can be easy and it can be difficult. No matter what anyone says, when you involve intimacy and sex consistently over a period of time someone is bound to catch feelings. What you do with those feelings and how you handle the relationship determines the outcome.

For me and my best friend we vowed to always be open minded with one another and most importantly to always be honest. So when we did engage in sensual relations and I realized that I couldn't be physically satisfied by him I told him. Granted no man ,friend or not, likes to be told that he isn't king kong in the bedroom. However my honesty with him garnered respect and my sensitivity to his feelings soothed the awkwardness of the moment. He understood.

When you have a true friendship you can be openly honest with your friend but you also know how they will perceive your honesty. So many people get caught up in the idea of having a "friend with benefits" or being married or being in a relationship, but they neglect the reality that you are involving yourself in someone else's life and that it's no longer about you it's about we. How are WE going to handle this situation? How do WE communicate? etc In any relationship you have to consider the WE and truly digest and adhere to the needs and feelings of the person (s) involved. This makes communication better and it strengthens your relationship.

So for my best friend and me we had a brief stint. And now we live ions away from each other yet we still talk every night and watch the game (via skype) every Monday. I vouch to say that he will probably be the best man in my wedding, provided my future husband doesn't read this :) At the end of the day it's about what we created, he is a great man and as I said before he is my best friend and I do love him. So, he wasn't a friend with benefits, because I already benefited from the love, strength, and courage he gave me through our friendship and it's those benefits that will continue our friendship for a lifetime.

Dangit Man...I Slipped Up!

It happened on a Thursday, I must admit I was not in the mood to even engage, yet this thing intrigued me. It made me wonder just how far it would let me go and how long that interest would last. That night I dressed beautifully, I wore a low cut black dress, long earrings, and my hair swept to the side, needless to say if I was a guy I'd screw me. As I sat at the table the smells coming from the kitchen mesmerized me, the robust spices and herbs called to me. I felt my body start to melt. The waiter walked up to me and said," Good evening Miss, may I interest you in a drink?" My response, " A Cosmobellini would do me just fine." As he wrote down my drink I caught his eyes tracing my legs up to my neck line. When he realized that I noticed he quickly closed his note pad and said, "I'll be right back." I sat in the restaurant and allowed myself to get caught up in the rapture. I couldn't believe how much I had grown, this little Indiana girl was now sitting in one of finest restaurants in the world, and capturing every eye that graced her presence. I must say I was completely feeling myself.
Just as my drink came so did he. He entered the restaurant with such power, I must admit his confidence was beyond sexy. The host took his coat, he took a moment to gaze around the room in search of me. Once he laid his eyes upon me his body language instantly said, "Bingo.." He walked over to the table leaned in and kissed me on my cheek. "How are you?' he asked me. I was so caught up in his hazel eyes, and muscular physique, I hadn't heard his question. "You ok?" he asked me. "Yea, just a little tired I guess." I had to play off my developing crush. He ordered his drink. Now I've learned from past experiences that a man's drink is a factor in describing what type of man he is. Fruity drink =a fruity man (unless it's margarita night at wet willies). So I listened as he ordered. His deep voice laced my senses, as he said, " Jack and Ginger heavy on the jack light on the ginger all on the rocks." After ordering his drink he took a moment to adore me. He didn't look at me in a perverse way, instead he gazed upon me as if he was studying a masterpiece. "You look beautiful," he said to me. I gave him a coy smile and a small ,"thank you." managed to escape my lips.
When we ordered dinner, my appetite craved something other than food, so I simply ordered a salad. He ordered the salmon, asparagus, and mashed potatoes.
The night went very smoothly. He seemed fully engaged as he asked me what my passions were and where do I see myself. Mid conversation he said," I hope I'm not being too forward, but may I kiss you?" I was a bit taken a back a kiss? in here? with all of these people? Yet my curious mind obliged and there I was tasting this man's lips. Everything silenced and for a moment I forgot where I was.
As he walked me to my car he said," I noticed that you didn't eat much this evening, was the food not to your liking?"
"Of coarse not," I responded, " I just.. I don't know I craved something really savory and I couldn't figure out what to eat. "
"I understand, you should let me cook for you," he smiled at me.
"O really? and when would that be?"
"Tonight, if you are up for it."
"Ok."
"Meet me here in an hour." he placed his card in my hand, on the back he wrote his address.

During my drive to his place a billion things ran through my mind. I asked myself what the hell was I thinking?! I wondered if he was going to be the one to break my 4 month stint. I also wondered what it was about this man that had me so caught up. I have dated men who could make Boris Kodjoe run for his money. Maybe it was his smoothness, maybe it was the fact that he was older than my usual, or maybe I was attracted to his determination and the power he possessed being a top lawyer in Cleveland. Despite what it is I was going to this man's place and hoping he could satisfy my appetite.
When I reached his home I parked my car in his garage and took the elevator to his condo.
When I entered the room , his condo wreaked of excellent taste. Different painting laid upon the walls his dining room set was a deep cherry wood square table. When I reached his living room his chocolate coach complimented the blue lighting upon his book case. His flat screen was mounted upon the wall and his xbox sat neatly underneath it. I noticed a treadmill out of the corner of my eye that faced his lake front view. Every ounce of this man made me feel as if I was in a movie.
I sat down on his couch and made myself comfortable.
"Wine?" he asked well more so asserted as he handed me a glass of white wine.
"Thank you I said. "
"Your dinner is almost ready." He said to me.
"Is there anyway I can help?" I asked.
"Absolutely not," he responded. He seemed a bit offended that I asked, "but you may watch."
I followed him into his kitchen. The aroma of rosemary, basil , and spices tingled my senses. My body felt electric. As he placed my plate in front of me he kissed me gently on my forehead. He sliced everything for me and fed me. My entire being indulged in this man's cooking and spirit. "Mmm" was all I could say.
"you like?" he asked
"Very much, " I responded
"Good." he said to me with a coy smile.
After finished dinner we sat upon the couch. He put his arms around me, leaned into me and softly said, " I find you to be an incredible woman."
"And why is that?"
"Your drive is very sexy to me, you have holistic beauty, rather than pieced beauty that most women have."
Whew I said to myself, Ok Kyn get it together at any moment this man could have you wrapped around his finger.
"thank you." I responded
He then kissed me, and this time his arm wrapped around my waist as his other hand cupped and tilted my head. It was one of the most passionate kisses I had ever had. I tasted everything from his jack and ginger to the meal I had just devoured. I let him drink me and taste me. When I realized just how heated things were getting, I had to stop.
"I'm celibate, " I said to him. At first he looked confused, and then he gave me a comforting smile.
"It's not your body that I want, it's your mind." He leaned into me again and kissed me once more.
O God I prayed please let this be true and not a dream, I would be devastated.
After an evening of kissing and cuddling he walked me down to my car, kissed me once more and said," I'll see you tomorrow. " I smiled back and said, " You bet."
On my ride home I felt my lower body begin to pulse and then it tightened. Before I knew it I was feeling strange. "Dammit," I said to myself, " I shouldn't have eaten that steak he made. "

I just want to take it Nice and Slow....

We live in a microwavable society, where everything is almost readily available. We want the right job now, the right mate now, the right kind of sex now, the right anything right NOW. In a sense we have become our own fast food chain, feeding ourselves the temporary and quick satisfaction as opposed to stopping and truly smelling the flowers. Think about how fast food compares to a slow cooked meal. Fast food’s benefit is how quickly it’s done, but does it really taste fulfilling at the end of the day? Does your body feel thoroughly satisfied throughout the day? As opposed to slow cooked. The food takes time, love, and preparation. It requires patience and the ability to wait for things to come perfectly together. When you finally indulge every last flavor excites your mouth and fulfills your tummy. This should be the outlook on life.
            I must admit I was a “fast food” junky. I like to say that I was the originator of, “It’s my money and I want it now!” Since I was 14 I’ve consistently worked two jobs as well as tutoring, doing hair, and coaching as a side hustle, all to make the C.R.E.A.M. Yet, I came to realize that the temporary satisfaction I gained from getting tid for tats of money here or there was not what I wanted for myself. I was going through multiple jobs instead of building towards my career. So I put it down, completely and I mapped out my career.
            I’m doing some things my family would faint over. I decided that I’m not going to graduate school ( I think I just heard my mother faint). When I signed up for the GRE the second time I thought I was doing the right thing for me. I was going through the motions get your bachelors then get your masters then get a good job. I realized it wasn’t meant for me when one of my sorority sisters asked me, “Have you studied for it?” My response,” Nope I have 2 books on how to ace this thing and I have yet to crack them open,” mind you she asked me this two weeks before my scheduled test date. A career should be something you love, and a job should be something that gets you towards that true love.  None of my 9-5s were getting me to my true love.
            So I prepared my soul’s meal that I knew would fulfill my spirit. I picked out key ingredients (people, places, materials) arranged my recipe for success (making my plan), put them all together and let it slow cook. My investment of hard work, time, TRUE FULL TIME commitment, and all emotions I will experience are the spices of my dream dish, they flavor it, and make it taste that much better when it’s done.
            So you can have the fast food and see just how internally healthy it makes you. But me honey, I’m taking it nice and slow. Bon appetite!