It was my birthday weekend. Granted I had every intention on going HAM, but a part of me thought that I could pick up the pieces. I knew I would run into him, it was inevitable. He was the best friend of my best friend who I happened to be partying it up with that weekend. Yet, a small inkling of me hoped that we weren’t going to have that awkward moment. That he would just so happen to go out of town the weekend I decided to visit.
He was my heart, well…the first man to capture it. He was the kind that you couldn’t resist loving. He was a lover, musician, friend, and fantasy. I loved laying my head on his chest and falling asleep to the deep drums of his heart. I took joy in pleasuring every one of this man’s needs. I was the outgoing dreamer while he was the introverted logistic. Yet our opposite sides complimented each other. We took each other to another level, we were meant for each other.
The last time I gazed into his eyes he said,
“It’s just you and me bay, and that’s all I need.”
We had our rough times, but what couple didn’t. Our love for each other made our arguments seem like the universe was shaking, but when we made up the passion we felt for one another made the earth tremble. We didn’t make love it created us. There we were in our far from perfect world, but I was once told, “Love isn’t perfect but it creates perfection.”
So when he said,” I don’t think we can continue our relationship,” my entire being just shattered.
“I’m sorry,” I laughed nervously, “Come again.”
“I don’t think we will ever be together bay,” his voice quieted on the phone, I could tell by his whispering that he was just as hurt as me hearing those words come from his lips.
I had just moved, he still had a semester to finish in school, so we agreed to pursue our love long distance until he graduated and then we would start our lives together.
“I….I …I don’t,” the words stumbled out of my mouth. Before I could inhale the tears poured from eyes and crashed into a puddle on my hardwood floors.
The sounds of my heart breaking echoed throughout my soul.
“Hear me out bay,” I could hear his voice telling me as I slipped deeper and deeper into my dark well of sadness, “You have your own thing going on and I do too, I’m not trying to move all the way out there.”
“But we were going to make our own moves when you graduated, I don’t understand.”
“I know but graduation seems so far from now bay.”
“I…I still don’t understand.” I managed to say through my tears.
“I…I still don’t understand.” I managed to say through my tears.
“It’s complicated bay, please don’t cry, we can still be friends.”
“Friends?!” How dare he take years of love, tears, blood, sweat, everything we had made and insult it with a friendship!
“I don’t want to be your friend; I want to be your wife like you promised, your lover, your confidant, everything you are to me! How dare you ask me to me your mediocre friend?!”
Silence responded to my statement. So I took it upon myself and asked.
“Is there another woman?” No response
“Tell me! Is there?!”
“I didn’t mean for it to happen….”
I dropped the phone. There I was speechless and lifeless crying on my hardwood floors.
Later I learned he had been trapped by some girl; what started as one had thing turned into another. I remember telling him to let her be that she has ulterior motives when it came to their “friendship” but he didn’t listen, he let his vulnerability get the best of him and there she was waiting to catch him up in her web.
After seven months of I’m over its, I’m all goods, and I ain’t thinking about hims the pain still lingered and it felt as if he had just told me.
I had spent the week wondering what our encounter would be like. Would I fall for him again or would I just have a mad black woman moment? I wondered if he would bring her. I wondered about every scenario that was ethically possible.
I heard him come through the door. It took everything in me to not look up and greet his eyes with mine. When I felt him next to me I looked up and for a second all of the love I had for him welled up inside of my heart as all of the memories we shared encased it.
“What’s up Kyndall.” He said
The casing of our memories cracked and the love that was filling my heart poured out onto the floor. Kyndall? He’s never called me that before.
“Hey,” was all I could manage to say.
I turned back around to my cake and put the love that was left into icing it.
I didn’t want to let go of my love but that day love left me.
