Dangit Man...I Slipped Up!

It happened on a Thursday, I must admit I was not in the mood to even engage, yet this thing intrigued me. It made me wonder just how far it would let me go and how long that interest would last. That night I dressed beautifully, I wore a low cut black dress, long earrings, and my hair swept to the side, needless to say if I was a guy I'd screw me. As I sat at the table the smells coming from the kitchen mesmerized me, the robust spices and herbs called to me. I felt my body start to melt. The waiter walked up to me and said," Good evening Miss, may I interest you in a drink?" My response, " A Cosmobellini would do me just fine." As he wrote down my drink I caught his eyes tracing my legs up to my neck line. When he realized that I noticed he quickly closed his note pad and said, "I'll be right back." I sat in the restaurant and allowed myself to get caught up in the rapture. I couldn't believe how much I had grown, this little Indiana girl was now sitting in one of finest restaurants in the world, and capturing every eye that graced her presence. I must say I was completely feeling myself.
Just as my drink came so did he. He entered the restaurant with such power, I must admit his confidence was beyond sexy. The host took his coat, he took a moment to gaze around the room in search of me. Once he laid his eyes upon me his body language instantly said, "Bingo.." He walked over to the table leaned in and kissed me on my cheek. "How are you?' he asked me. I was so caught up in his hazel eyes, and muscular physique, I hadn't heard his question. "You ok?" he asked me. "Yea, just a little tired I guess." I had to play off my developing crush. He ordered his drink. Now I've learned from past experiences that a man's drink is a factor in describing what type of man he is. Fruity drink =a fruity man (unless it's margarita night at wet willies). So I listened as he ordered. His deep voice laced my senses, as he said, " Jack and Ginger heavy on the jack light on the ginger all on the rocks." After ordering his drink he took a moment to adore me. He didn't look at me in a perverse way, instead he gazed upon me as if he was studying a masterpiece. "You look beautiful," he said to me. I gave him a coy smile and a small ,"thank you." managed to escape my lips.
When we ordered dinner, my appetite craved something other than food, so I simply ordered a salad. He ordered the salmon, asparagus, and mashed potatoes.
The night went very smoothly. He seemed fully engaged as he asked me what my passions were and where do I see myself. Mid conversation he said," I hope I'm not being too forward, but may I kiss you?" I was a bit taken a back a kiss? in here? with all of these people? Yet my curious mind obliged and there I was tasting this man's lips. Everything silenced and for a moment I forgot where I was.
As he walked me to my car he said," I noticed that you didn't eat much this evening, was the food not to your liking?"
"Of coarse not," I responded, " I just.. I don't know I craved something really savory and I couldn't figure out what to eat. "
"I understand, you should let me cook for you," he smiled at me.
"O really? and when would that be?"
"Tonight, if you are up for it."
"Ok."
"Meet me here in an hour." he placed his card in my hand, on the back he wrote his address.

During my drive to his place a billion things ran through my mind. I asked myself what the hell was I thinking?! I wondered if he was going to be the one to break my 4 month stint. I also wondered what it was about this man that had me so caught up. I have dated men who could make Boris Kodjoe run for his money. Maybe it was his smoothness, maybe it was the fact that he was older than my usual, or maybe I was attracted to his determination and the power he possessed being a top lawyer in Cleveland. Despite what it is I was going to this man's place and hoping he could satisfy my appetite.
When I reached his home I parked my car in his garage and took the elevator to his condo.
When I entered the room , his condo wreaked of excellent taste. Different painting laid upon the walls his dining room set was a deep cherry wood square table. When I reached his living room his chocolate coach complimented the blue lighting upon his book case. His flat screen was mounted upon the wall and his xbox sat neatly underneath it. I noticed a treadmill out of the corner of my eye that faced his lake front view. Every ounce of this man made me feel as if I was in a movie.
I sat down on his couch and made myself comfortable.
"Wine?" he asked well more so asserted as he handed me a glass of white wine.
"Thank you I said. "
"Your dinner is almost ready." He said to me.
"Is there anyway I can help?" I asked.
"Absolutely not," he responded. He seemed a bit offended that I asked, "but you may watch."
I followed him into his kitchen. The aroma of rosemary, basil , and spices tingled my senses. My body felt electric. As he placed my plate in front of me he kissed me gently on my forehead. He sliced everything for me and fed me. My entire being indulged in this man's cooking and spirit. "Mmm" was all I could say.
"you like?" he asked
"Very much, " I responded
"Good." he said to me with a coy smile.
After finished dinner we sat upon the couch. He put his arms around me, leaned into me and softly said, " I find you to be an incredible woman."
"And why is that?"
"Your drive is very sexy to me, you have holistic beauty, rather than pieced beauty that most women have."
Whew I said to myself, Ok Kyn get it together at any moment this man could have you wrapped around his finger.
"thank you." I responded
He then kissed me, and this time his arm wrapped around my waist as his other hand cupped and tilted my head. It was one of the most passionate kisses I had ever had. I tasted everything from his jack and ginger to the meal I had just devoured. I let him drink me and taste me. When I realized just how heated things were getting, I had to stop.
"I'm celibate, " I said to him. At first he looked confused, and then he gave me a comforting smile.
"It's not your body that I want, it's your mind." He leaned into me again and kissed me once more.
O God I prayed please let this be true and not a dream, I would be devastated.
After an evening of kissing and cuddling he walked me down to my car, kissed me once more and said," I'll see you tomorrow. " I smiled back and said, " You bet."
On my ride home I felt my lower body begin to pulse and then it tightened. Before I knew it I was feeling strange. "Dammit," I said to myself, " I shouldn't have eaten that steak he made. "

I just want to take it Nice and Slow....

We live in a microwavable society, where everything is almost readily available. We want the right job now, the right mate now, the right kind of sex now, the right anything right NOW. In a sense we have become our own fast food chain, feeding ourselves the temporary and quick satisfaction as opposed to stopping and truly smelling the flowers. Think about how fast food compares to a slow cooked meal. Fast food’s benefit is how quickly it’s done, but does it really taste fulfilling at the end of the day? Does your body feel thoroughly satisfied throughout the day? As opposed to slow cooked. The food takes time, love, and preparation. It requires patience and the ability to wait for things to come perfectly together. When you finally indulge every last flavor excites your mouth and fulfills your tummy. This should be the outlook on life.
            I must admit I was a “fast food” junky. I like to say that I was the originator of, “It’s my money and I want it now!” Since I was 14 I’ve consistently worked two jobs as well as tutoring, doing hair, and coaching as a side hustle, all to make the C.R.E.A.M. Yet, I came to realize that the temporary satisfaction I gained from getting tid for tats of money here or there was not what I wanted for myself. I was going through multiple jobs instead of building towards my career. So I put it down, completely and I mapped out my career.
            I’m doing some things my family would faint over. I decided that I’m not going to graduate school ( I think I just heard my mother faint). When I signed up for the GRE the second time I thought I was doing the right thing for me. I was going through the motions get your bachelors then get your masters then get a good job. I realized it wasn’t meant for me when one of my sorority sisters asked me, “Have you studied for it?” My response,” Nope I have 2 books on how to ace this thing and I have yet to crack them open,” mind you she asked me this two weeks before my scheduled test date. A career should be something you love, and a job should be something that gets you towards that true love.  None of my 9-5s were getting me to my true love.
            So I prepared my soul’s meal that I knew would fulfill my spirit. I picked out key ingredients (people, places, materials) arranged my recipe for success (making my plan), put them all together and let it slow cook. My investment of hard work, time, TRUE FULL TIME commitment, and all emotions I will experience are the spices of my dream dish, they flavor it, and make it taste that much better when it’s done.
            So you can have the fast food and see just how internally healthy it makes you. But me honey, I’m taking it nice and slow. Bon appetite!

Hit it and Quit it (those nights)

I used to be a benefits person who viewed a man as nothing but a simple fulfillment; I developed that “F you do me” mentality. But I came to realize that the few choice men I shared a sexual experience with were gravel that jaded my path towards true fulfillment. Let me explain, after the mind blowing sex and euphoria, there was reality and reality did not have love, it didn’t have feelings, it didn’t consider the hours of good loving I gave it. Instead, reality became a stranger who I didn’t associate with throughout my day and the boyfriend who I couldn’t stop saying yes to by night. I realized that these men were just entities and we had formed only a physical bond, which only, lasted temporarily. But what was left?

            As beings we crave that intimacy and that companionship, I don’t care what any of these independent people say, everyone reaches to the other side of the bed hoping someone is there, at one point. I’m going through that now myself. I continue to speak to someone who I’m somewhat attracted to and really could care less about because he provides good company once every month he comes around. But, our last date changed my hunger for him. He asked me, “When am I going to get a return on my investment (me).” I was completely taken a back, not only did this brother ask me in code when he is going to “get” something from me, but I’m insulted at the fact that he would think that a mere $65 is a huge investment. My response, “ I am a multi billion dollar company, it takes more than money to invest in me. You see when you have a good thing you do the minimum to keep it, but when you have a GREAT thing you do EVERYTHING to keep it.” After that date, I had to take my own medicine and face up to the fact that he isn’t a GREAT thing for me so why waste my time?

            I’ve had to adjust; I went from having a list of company to having none at all since I moved, and boy that can be a killer on these cold winter days. And it wasn’t limited to just the sex. My company cooked for me, held me without asking, surprised me with flowers, and took me on an array of shopping sprees. So you bet your bottoms I miss that, I miss being spoiled and I miss that day to day attention. But at the end of the day the relations we had did not create relationships. Instead it was a mere transaction. He withdrew more than he invested, and that was my fault, because I allowed him to.

            Now, I have the bare minimums 5 core things that I seek in a man before any relations can be discussed. Everyone’s core minimums are different, for example one of mine is career driven whereas some women prefer to be the one who brings home the bacon and that is great! But I stick to those minimums because they are my foundation that I can build upon. I promised myself to never go back to the relations. The bond that you create through relationships and getting to know someone is far stronger and reliable than the one between the sheets. So for the current and the next one (options are always good) my relationship with you will determine when our relations will ensue.