Hit it and Quit it (those nights)

I used to be a benefits person who viewed a man as nothing but a simple fulfillment; I developed that “F you do me” mentality. But I came to realize that the few choice men I shared a sexual experience with were gravel that jaded my path towards true fulfillment. Let me explain, after the mind blowing sex and euphoria, there was reality and reality did not have love, it didn’t have feelings, it didn’t consider the hours of good loving I gave it. Instead, reality became a stranger who I didn’t associate with throughout my day and the boyfriend who I couldn’t stop saying yes to by night. I realized that these men were just entities and we had formed only a physical bond, which only, lasted temporarily. But what was left?

            As beings we crave that intimacy and that companionship, I don’t care what any of these independent people say, everyone reaches to the other side of the bed hoping someone is there, at one point. I’m going through that now myself. I continue to speak to someone who I’m somewhat attracted to and really could care less about because he provides good company once every month he comes around. But, our last date changed my hunger for him. He asked me, “When am I going to get a return on my investment (me).” I was completely taken a back, not only did this brother ask me in code when he is going to “get” something from me, but I’m insulted at the fact that he would think that a mere $65 is a huge investment. My response, “ I am a multi billion dollar company, it takes more than money to invest in me. You see when you have a good thing you do the minimum to keep it, but when you have a GREAT thing you do EVERYTHING to keep it.” After that date, I had to take my own medicine and face up to the fact that he isn’t a GREAT thing for me so why waste my time?

            I’ve had to adjust; I went from having a list of company to having none at all since I moved, and boy that can be a killer on these cold winter days. And it wasn’t limited to just the sex. My company cooked for me, held me without asking, surprised me with flowers, and took me on an array of shopping sprees. So you bet your bottoms I miss that, I miss being spoiled and I miss that day to day attention. But at the end of the day the relations we had did not create relationships. Instead it was a mere transaction. He withdrew more than he invested, and that was my fault, because I allowed him to.

            Now, I have the bare minimums 5 core things that I seek in a man before any relations can be discussed. Everyone’s core minimums are different, for example one of mine is career driven whereas some women prefer to be the one who brings home the bacon and that is great! But I stick to those minimums because they are my foundation that I can build upon. I promised myself to never go back to the relations. The bond that you create through relationships and getting to know someone is far stronger and reliable than the one between the sheets. So for the current and the next one (options are always good) my relationship with you will determine when our relations will ensue.