Feigning

Yesterday I caught myself feigning. I let my mind drift and think about being held by his arms, I let my senses tingle while I pondered just how long it would take for him to seduce me, I even let my mouth water as I thought about how tasty his lips were when we kissed, I dare to say that I even drooled a bit as I sat there fantasizing. Yet my feigning was short lived when the reality of all these things hit me square in the face. A good friend once told me," A man in your life has 3 F's. He needs to Feed you, Finance you, and lastly F---( let's just say screw) you."

After learning about these core F's I found myself assessing my past loves. One financed and fed me. We were living a straight fabulous, "Throw it in the bag," lifestyle and I'm talking about the Drizzy remix. Every shopping extravanganza was like a dream, anything I wanted he gave me, and any food I wanted (because I LOVE to eat) he bought me, yet when it came down to the last F there was no connection, I had better luck rubbing up against a piece of plank wood. Now my true love, as in the man who I thought I was going to marry, he only fullfilled one F for me. It's amazing how that one F can get you caught up, it's like a web you are trapped in but you don't want to leave. I financed and fed him, cooked him the best meals, paid for things out of my own pocket. Granted my subconscious constantly nagged me and told me to snap out of it, but I didn't want to. His lovin' was so good, it made me literally want to slap somebody. He had taken me to another level. But, when it all boiled down to it, he wasn't the one. After our screwing there was nothing there we literally looked at each other like," What are we gonna do now?" And he never made me feel entirely loved, so needless to say his F is now an X.

So after dropping my alphabet of failures, I realized there is only one F that should truly control your life; and that's FOUNDATION. You see, when you have a foundation you are fulfilled. Fulfilled in knowing that none of these people have anything on you. You become confident in the fact that you know exactly who you are and you dare someone to question that. You build upon that foundation by doing the 3 F's for yourself. You feed yourself spiritually, mentally, and physically. Feeding meaning you take care of yourself, for me I started eating healthier, exercising,  and reading books that broadened my horizons. When you are filled with all of these factors you have fed yourself with, then you are no longer starving for someone else to fill those things for your. Secondly, I financed myself and got my house in order. I began saving 20% of my check, 10% to god, 10% to me. Pay yourself first before you pay any other person. You can't save someone when you are the one drowning. Lastly, and I am so very proud to say this, I F---ed the MESS out of myself. Now I'm not saying this is solely done by sex, but I found the things in life that give me pleasure and I do those things on a frequent basis. For example, I love seeing shows, it's just something about raw talent that amazes me, so every other month I buy a ticket ( in the front row) to a show that I'm interested in. I also love love LOVE chocolate cake, and not just any chocolate cake either but the kind that makes you feel all warm and sensual inside. At the end of every month, I treat myself, because I deserve it.

When you accomplish the 3 F's for yourself you build upon a foundation of success. You prevent yourself from facing the worst F of them all, FAILURE. Having a foundation means that you have no limits to what you can do. I've realized that my foundation attracts the men of my fantasies and will soon attract the man of my dreams.