What in the world did I get myself into?

Today is the first day of the last day of the old Kyndall Peele.  I found that this current state i'm in is meant to teach me to be truly by myself and experience what intimacy with me is like rather through somebody else.
To get you to see exactly where I am coming from, I think it's important to tell you my history. I was the oldest child. I grew up in the best of times, the 80s/90s the times where Biggie, Mary J, Tupac, Kid n' play, heck when everyone ruled the radio. Those were the best days when everyones hairstyle seemed to have geometrical shapes and angles. My childhood was your typical one, I grew up in many areas such as DC, Maryland, and North Carolina just to name a few. But even in all these places I craved a love of my own and the confidence that peaked high above any mountain. Ive always been chubby, hell I'll admit I love my food. But little did I know that baby phat turns developed into the weight of emotions and depression that held me down.
So today, you ask why vegan why celibacy have you lost your damn mind?! If I told you yes would you feel better? I chose  to begin this vegan lifestyle because I want my body to know what it truly feels like to be organic. I want my body to feel lifted even when the weight of the world is on me. So today is day one and I must admit I am going to miss my meat. I love some burgers, bbq pork sandwiches, ribs, chicken , fried fish just like any other southern girl . But being a vegetarian is the smallest challenge I have to face.
Being celibant, lord I'm really going to have to be delivered from this. Now I'm no hoe by no means but a sista loves her a handsome man especially when he can grab you up and rub you down. Some of you may be faint at heart to hear me speak this way, but sex for me is like that euphoric feeling you have after you have been holding your pee all day and you finally get to release, if you don't know that feeling honey you better ask somebody! It's that release of everything, and when it is GREAT sex with someone who loves you from from you toe nails to the hair follicles on on your scalp it is the best thing since sliced bread. I just love the feeling of having my toes curled and my body finally letting it ALL go. So this celibacy thing, lord it's going to work something on me.
You see, I have given love all of my life. To my friends, family, boos, and even enemies. So for me having sex with my man was his way of catering to me and showing me that he loved me, well for what I thought.
Yet there was this man, who turned me out, who made me feel as if no man could ever make me feel. He was it for me and I gave him every ounce of me until I looked in the mirror one day and wondered who the hell I was. It's a scary thing when you don't know who you are anymore. And that is what made me question if I didn't have sex anymore who would I be? So I decided to challenge myself and discover what intimacy is like with out sex. Day one....and tonight it's just me and my thoughts